How to Keep Long-Term Work from Going Flat

When you’ve been doing this work long enough, you’ll be blessed to have folks who stay with you long term. This is an incredible thing because there are certain depths you just can only get to in a long-term therapeutic container. I’m talking about multiple years.

When a coach or therapist really knows a client this well and this deeply over time, we relax more. We can take more risks (to the benefit of the client). We can see things that are helpful to their process more quickly because we know them. We develop such a strong rapport that the relationship can even feel like it has the intimacy of a loving family-type connection.

But the human brain automates…and we’re human. We can miss things if we think we know the client and already understand why their behavior looks the way it does. We might ask fewer questions because we think we know them or where they’re coming from. We make assumptions.

It’s a lovely thing as a practitioner to be able to sit back and know your client…there’s nothing like that level of comfort and trust on both sides. But I’ve seen practitioners get too comfy and start to offer opinions or give advice, which isn’t our job. Sure, sometimes our client wants to know what we think and they can ask us or we can offer it with consent, but it’s not in the client’s best interest for us to just begin sharing because they can get the sense that we’re the authority on their life.

We’re not. And this can compromise their ability to feel our space together as non-judgemental and respectful towards their autonomy and ability to make decisions for their life.

I’m inviting us to remember to not relax so much that we don’t see with fresh eyes, that we explain away things that would be better asked about, or that we just miss things because we’re no longer looking with our owl eyes…tracking and seeing everything happening in the room.

We’ve got to keep these owl eyes open and ask the question that feels unnecessary, be more careful in our reflection to them than we might feel we need to be, remember to ask for permission to go a certain direction or offer something specific. We need to stay soft.

One of the things I do with my long-term clients, especially if they’re in a process where they’re stuck or we’ve worked the material before but it’s back again, is that I practice hearing them as if they were a brand-new client in their first-time session. At the start, the client is so brand new that you’ve got to pay attention to every single detail in order to get to know them.

I’ve found that when I bring that same quality of presence, inquiry, and tracking to my long-term clients, those sessions can open up something that feels fresh and new. The process doesn’t go flat and this is where breakthrough can happen.

When you’ve been working with someone for a long time, there is benefit to the stance of relaxing back and letting yourself know your client, but it also serves to every once in a while, stand back, rub your owl eyes, blink, and take a closer look at what you’re seeing. Make it fresh again.

In SomaField, the first core principle is about being Client Centered, because I believe it’s of the utmost importance to honor the client’s autonomy, pacing, and inner wisdom in your process together. The last core principle is Artistry, which is all about the choices we make about how we’re going to be with the client. These two principles can come together to invite you to slow down and consider anew what’s best for your long-term clients.

They’ll be grateful you did.

Please forward this to anyone that comes to mind if you think they’d enjoy it. :)